I can hardly see, my eyes are so bleary, and my heart hurts so badly, and I feel like I'll never stop crying.

I got a Facebook message from my ex-boyfriends either current girlfriend or more recent ex, not really certain, but we have hung out before and get along well, so a message from her wasn't surprising.  What it said was.

A few posts ago, when I went on and on about Zuma, I gave a little back story as to why I adopted her.  Like I said before, Abby was the reason I adopted her--because when my ex and I split, she stayed with him and I missed her so much I decided to adopt an animal myself to care for.  I still visited her, brought her treats and bought her collars, but tried not to visit so frequently to help myself with the separation not only from her and my ex, but to help get over the fact that that part of my life was over.  Still, I loved that dog more than anything, and to me, it was like a child.  I would come over to my ex's place and pick her up and walk her for hours, just walking and going to the park and playing.  But I hadn't been in a long while.  The last time I had visited was late February/early March.  The last time I had alone time with her was exactly one year ago.

Linda's message said that I needed to call my ex as soon as possible, because Abby was being put to sleep at that moment and he needed to be comforted.  When I read those words, I really could feel my heart sinking, sinking, sinking from my chest to my stomach.  She said that Abby had bitten my ex's grandmother.  The message had been sent four hours earlier.

When I called my ex, he told me that she had bitten a neighborhood boy a week earlier, and Animal Control traced the bite back to her and had her under observation for ten days.  On day 7, she bit his grandmother.  I know she's been aggressive her whole life-- we think it was because she was the run of the litter.  But I never thought she'd actually bite anyone, or that her aggressiveness had gotten so bad.

So now she's gone.  On Christmas Eve, she was taken and there's no way I can ever get her back.  I can't ever say goodbye, I won't ever pet her head, I won't ever hold a treat to the ground and say, "crawl" and have her come get the treat.  I won't ever see her ears bounce while I'm walking her, see her happy face when she brings a ball back for the 1000000th time in a row.  Never again.  And I chose to stay away to make things easier for myself, and all I've done is set myself up for heartache.

I love you Abby, and I wish I could have shown you just how much I loved you before you were gone.  You were born November 14th, 2007.  You came into my life December 24th, 2007.  And you've left my life on December 24th, 2010.  You were only three.  God, how I loved you.