Dream Interpretation

Wow I haven't written in awhile.  So my entry today is kind of abstract, I had a dream earlier this week that really stuck with me, so I looked up a lot of the things inside of the dream to determine what the hell it was about.  A lot of the symbols have eerily similar meanings.  So without divulging the dream step by step, here is my research, pasted together into one general message.  Enjoy.

To dream that you or somebody is on a slide indicates that you are experiencing some instability in your waking life. You have lost your grip on a situation or relationship.

To dream that you are sliding represents a loss of control. 

To dream that you are stuck represents a feeling of helplessness and not being able to escape from life's problems or stresses. You have lost confidence in yourself and in your ability to move ahead in your life. Your lack of clear goals and low self-esteem may be a common cause for such dreams.

To dream that you are swimming suggests that you are exploring aspects of your unconscious mind and emotions. The dream may be a sign that you are seeking some sort of emotional support. It is a common dream image for people going through therapy.

To dream that you are swimming underwater suggests that you are completely submerged in your own feelings. You are forcing yourself to deal with your unconscious emotions.

To see a swimming pool in your dream symbolizes relaxation, calmness, luxury and ease. You need to take a break. Alternatively, a swimming pool suggests that you need to acknowledge and understand your feelings. It is time to dive in and deal with those emotions. You need to cleanse yourself and wash away past hurts. Consider the depth of the pool. If you were swimming on the deep end, then it means that those emotions are deeply seeded and may be harder to confront.. You will need to work through it, no more matter how difficult. If you are swimming on the shallow end, then it implies that you should be able to easily deal with your feelings.

To dream that you are on a playground indicates your desires to escape from your daily responsibilities. Perhaps you need to be more carefree. You need to acknowledge your talents. 

To dream that you are playing games indicates that you need to take a break from your daily life. It is time to relax. Alternatively, the dream symbolizes the spirit of competition and the rules you live by. Consider the type of game you are playing for additional significance.

To see or dream that you are a lifeguard means that you are keeping your emotions well guarded. Perhaps you are seeking some guidance and support while you carefully explore aspects of your unconscious.

To dream that you are protecting someone or something suggests that you are putting up an emotional wall or barrier between you and others around you. Consider who or what you are protecting for clues as to what aspect of your own self you are afraid of letting out and letting others know. 

To dream that you are lost suggests that you have lost your direction in life or that you have lost sight of your goals. You may be feeling worried and insecure about the path you are taking in life. If you try to call for help, then it means that you are trying to reach out for support. You are looking for someone to lean on. Alternatively, being lost means that you are still adjusting to a new situation in which the rules and conditions are ever changing.

To see your own family in your dream represents security, warmth and love.

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Frog Prince Birth Announcement

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To My Son:

I love the way your hair looks after a bath--fluffy and downy--and how it dries almost instantly
I love your gummy, toothless smile
I love the way you stretch your whole body when someone picks you up after sleeping
I love when you make a teeny, tiny "o" with your lips and look around
I love your long fingers
I love the hair on your shoulders
I love the way you completely relax when you eat
I love the way your curl up your lip into a half-smile as you drift off to sleep
I love the way you look around at the world, taking in everything you can see
I love the way you sigh a huge sigh of relief once you are calmed after being SO upset
I love the way you always try to sleep with your face covered--blankets, hands, anything
I love how much you love water--the sound of it, being in the bathtub--you are so content
I love how you lightly scratch your fingers on my shoulder when you fall asleep on it
I love the tuft of hair on the top of your head and how it stands every which way
I love how your eyes light up exactly like your father's eyes do when you smile
I love when you "yell" out to the world, quite possibly just to hear your own voice out loud
I love the way you growl at me when your searching for food
I love the way you sleep with your body stretched out--like daddy
I love you, my Tristan-boo--you will always have my heart

When people say looks don't matter, they truly lie.

Let me be clear about my post title--I think that people that claim that looks aren't important are liars.  Appearance is important to most if not all people--you CARE about how you look before you leave the house, presenting yourself a certain way, no matter what that appearance is.  Even if you're cool with rolling out of bed and leaving the house in the grubbiest clothes you own, there are still things or styles of clothes you would refuse to wear.  Because it would feel ridiculous for you to be doing it.  Why is it embarrassing to realize your fly has been down or you've had food stuck in your teeth all day?  Because you have no idea who or how many people saw you that way.

So, my reasoning for making this post today? I've been pretty down about how much weight I gained and my general body changes during pregnancy, and it sucks.  It's making me really down, and I can't help but feel stressed about it.  I get so mad when I see all these people who only gained a small amount of weight and lost it right away and pretty much look like they didn't even have a baby.

Here I am, a month postpartum, and I have lost only 20 lbs.  about 7 and a half of that was the baby.  That means I've only lost the extra weight of the baby, the placenta, enlarged uterus, and additional fluids inside of me.  You may think that 20 lbs is a lot.  It's not, compared to the fact that I gained 62 lbs between the day I found out I was pregnant and the day I went into labor with Tristan.  That isn't even considering that I lost 15 lbs in the first trimester.  Between the second and third, I somehow managed to gain 77 lbs, most of which was gained at the end in fluids, because I was swollen like a mofo.

This number would probably bug me, but what bugs me more is how I feel generally wider, and my stomach is not flat for the first time, and covered in deep, angry stretch marks. 

So today, after living in yoga pants, gauchos, sweats, leggings, skirts, and dresses, I went to Plato's Closet to get some jeans.  The pair I found which fit quite nicely was 3 sizes larger than I normally wear.  It was really disappointing.

So here is where I am now, the new starting point I guess:

What is most frustrating is that I had a rough birth which means I can't start exercising as early as I wanted, with good reason.  I plan on going on some pretty frequent walks soon.

I just want to feel better again.  Because like I was saying, looks matter... in the sense that our own looks matter to us.  The aim?  Get back here:

Winter 2009-2010.  Not my smallest, but good for me.

Right after we moved in to new apartment, shortly before Tristan was conceived.  Wink wink ;)

Onward we go...I guess.

I'm a mommy :)

On September 15, 2011, at 7:20 AM I gave birth to the most gorgeous baby to ever grace this planet--my son, Tristan.  I have had him for just over a week and already, I can't imagine my life without him.

One of the first pictures we took of him, besides the ones we took right after he was delivered

My sweet angel, just one day old

Home from the hospital!

Earlier today, my little cuddle bug :)

I went into labor while working the day before, but since my contractions weren't super close together, I stayed home and finished my shift (if I hadn't shared before, I now work from home).  By the time my shift finished, my contractions  were closer together, and I also had a TMI indication that baby boy was on his way.  I contacted my OB's nurse, who confirmed that she thought it was time and to head to the hospital when my contractions were regularly five minutes apart.

So I started cleaning.  I scrubbed my kitchen from head to toe, and completely overhauled the living room, which sucked with the contractions I was having but it really helped push them closer together.  When they were about  five minutes apart, I was officially unable to walk or talk while having one, so we decided to head to the hospital.

We checked in at 9 PM, and I was 4 cm dilated when they checked me upon admission.  After 2 hours, I hadn't progressed much further than 4 cm, so they suggested I take a walk around the labor and delivery floor for about half an hour.  After my walk, they re-checked me, and I had progressed to 6 1/2 cm, so they contacted my OB to advise and hooked me up to an IV.

I labored for another few hours, but wasn't making much progress at that point, but the contractions themselves were getting stronger and stronger.  The doctor then broke my water, which made the tolerable contractions turn into monsters, so I asked for the epidural.

Getting the epidural itself was extremely painful--I had two contractions while they were putting the tube in my back, both of which I had to deal with sitting up.  Once the medicine kicked in, I was unable to feel my legs and the pain from the contractions were gone.  I went to sleep.

A couple hours later, the doctors awoke me to check me again, and I had finally made it to 10 cm.  They let me know it was time to begin pushing.  I pushed for an hour and a half, until finally my little boy arrived sunny side up--which means that he came out face up rather than face down, how newborns are usually born.  Because of this, I ended up tearing in the worst possible way-- a 4th degree tear.  Basically, (taken from Babycenter.com):

"A third-degree laceration is a tear in the vaginal tissue, perineal skin, and perineal muscles that extends into the anal sphincter (the muscle that surrounds your anus). A fourth-degree tear goes through the anal sphincter and the tissue underneath it."

Yeah.  Not very fun.  Going to the bathroom is more or less pretty difficult for me, but its getting better.  I read a lot of scary things about my new condition, but I'm confident that someday things will get back to normal.

But all of that is worth it, because I have Tristan, and he's the single best thing to happen to me in my entire life.  I love him more than I ever thought I could love anyone.  I can't possibly imagine my life without him, and every thought I have, decision I make, my entire world revolves around him, my Tristan-Boo.

Hopefully I will manage to update soon, but with a newborn, well, we know how that gets.  But, I have the quarter off from school, and two months off from work, so who knows?  Maybe I'll have some good stories.

WHAT A MONTH!

 I started this entry at the end of the July 4th weekend and saved for later.  LATER, turned into AUGUST!  HOLY SHIT!

Thankfully, I've taken TONS of pictures this month, so I'm going to update with the longest fucking photo entry I've ever done ever!

Here is what I wrote for the 4th of July Weekend:

Tony's sisters and mom are in town for the weekend, and today was quite the exciting adventure spending time with them.  This weekend was definitely fun filled, but also had a bit of drama, to say the least!

So, The 1st was Tony's birthday, and we planned on going to the casino but didn't make it out of the house until close to 9:30.  Since the casino is about a half hour drive, we wouldn't make it in time for the buffet, which was our #1 reason for going.  I was starving, and VERY annoyed about how hungry I was so I naturally was not the most pleasant girl during that car ride.  When we realized about 10 minutes out that there  was no way in hell we would make it to the buffet, I really got irritated, so we turned around and went to Applebees instead, planning on going to the casino afterward.  Applebees really hit the spot though!  It was awesome!  By the time we were done eating we were both really tired and decided to just go back home and sleep.  We are turning into quite the boring couple, I know.  LOL.  But at least once I ate, I was no longer crabby!

Right before leaving for Bday dinner

The next day, I only had to work a 5 hour shift because the company I work for gave everyone a 3 hour "gift of time" for the 4th of July holiday.  It was nice!  I didn't do much with the time though, just relaxed!  I did, however, manage to try to set up a mini kitty photo shoot.  As you can see below, I was not especially successful.  Zuma really hates pictures, and Louie was practicing his best "spookface" through the whole thing.

Princess Zuma and Little Louie

He's such a good little poser!

Loves her window

Sunday was yet another relaxed day.  Tony and I got our laundry done and then Tony took me out on a date to get some Chinese/Vietnamese food!  We had spring rolls, Crab Rangoon, and Tony had some pho while I had chicken lo mein and a small side of wonton soup.  So delicious, and even more so because I was being taken on a date, which I adore. =)

So that leads up to the 4th.  We started our morning at the zoo with the girls, and got a lot of pictures taken for the baby's nursery!

This guy is in the flamingo area, but he's clearly not a flamingo.  I always forget what animal he is! =(

Slightly brighter picture of same bright animal which I forgot the name of

Tony's sisters and his sister's friend, we're about to enter the farm animal area!

These look like peacocks without all the feathers...

Now that's a peacock!  He was a pretty good show off, wish he would have fanned out his feathers though!

The girls found this cow hilarious, you can actually "milk" the fake cow too. LOL

Baby goat!

Near the area where you can pan for gold

Tony being all handsome, me being all sorts of pregnant and chubby =(

Family <3

Penguins!!!

This quail was allowed to roam freely through the zoo, he's like a prisoner with special privileges LOL

Momma monkey cleaning her baby <3

Meerkat! I took this photo inside the monkey palace, so you can see the reflection off the window =(

Cute!

Still cute!

Hello!

If you couldn't tell I LOVE their little faces!

This guy was enjoying a midday snack =)

The camel stopped eating grass to say hello =)

Then, he resumed eating grass.

Huge ass tortoise.  The sign said these things can live up to like 200 years or something like that.  Damn old!

KOOKABURRA!!

Giraffes, my favorite zoo animal <3

So elegant!

This guy was quite the ham for picgtures, he was totally licking the bejeezus out of that tree as well.

Rhino!  Eating hay.

Covered in mud... apparently this is their own form of "natural sunblock".  LOL

Eventually he came to the fence to see what all the fuss was about...

The girls again, by wire sculptures of bears

My friend, the brown bear!!

Another camera ham, also can't remember what kind of animal he was!

OMFG this parrot, along with his multiple friends not pictured, were LOUD.  They sounded the alarm as soon as we showed up!

Entering the "Asian" portion of the zoo

Cute kitty!

Nice shaded area, it was SO hot that day.

Me being pregnant, chubby and SWEATY, and Tony just being sweaty and sexy-like.  I am clearly no longer enjoying this pregnancy.

After that, the girls went with their cousin for a bit while Tony and I made it out to my family's annual 4th of July picnic.  We grubbed and rubbed elbows for an hour or so, catching up with some of my favorite aunties, and then headed home to get ready for some water park action!

At the family picnic, being in that shade felt AWESOME.

We went to the water park, which was SO MUCH FUN!  I can't wait to go again!  No pictures of water park because, well, water and new camera's don't mix.  We floated around on the lazy river several times, but right in the first 20 minutes Tony ended up losing his debit card in the water!  The lazy river has a float-up bar which he planned on taking full advantage of, but he managed to lose his card before the first time around!  So we got out of the water, and went to call the number on the back of my debit card (we bank at the same bank) to cancel his card so no one could put any rogue charges on the card.

We spent the rest of our time going back and forth between the lazy river and the wave pool, and the very last half hour or so playing on this kids jungle gym type thing that had tons of water spray things and this giant bucket of water that filled up over the whole thing and dumped tons of water everywhere every few minutes.  SO MUCH FUN!  Oh, and by the end of it, we checked with the main desk and someone turned in his card.  What good Samaritans we have in our area. =)

We then brought the girls back to Tony's grandma's house to have some pho for dinner, which was AMAZING, as usual.  Tony's grandma makes the best pho ever.  I got a chance to visit with his mom whom I've only met once before.  She's super nice and funny, and I liked that we got a chance to get to know each other better.  Not to mention, she's absolutely gorgeous!  Did not get any pictures, but should have!

After we left, we stopped at a local ice cream shop that was open until 11 PM (even though it's the 4th of July and all) to get some soft serve ice cream.  We took the long way through town to watch the different fireworks displays people were putting on.  The ice cream was awesome, and we came back home to enjoy it.

The only drama came when I went to the bathroom, and noticed I was spotting.  Being a first time mom and freaking out, I called the hospital and got my doctor's pager number.  I paged him, and he called right away, and I told him the situation, that I had just came home from a water park and was now spotting.  I seriously thought something was awfully wrong with the baby, and was in near hysterics thinking that my "perfect day" as I kept calling it was now turning into the worst day of my life.  I may be getting sick of being pregnant, but I love my baby with all my heart and would never want to do anything to jeopardize his health or safety. =(

The doctor told me that after alot of bouncing around and activity that some spotting in the third trimester is completely normal and to not worry, that the worrying would be more stressful for the baby than any fun I had earlier.  He told me if the spotting turned to bleeding I should go to the doctor straight away, but otherwise, to just call the nurse in the morning and we'd schedule an ultrasound to double-check on baby's well-being.  Since that call, the spotting has stopped and I've felt him move around several times, happily kicking mommy.  I'm so glad nothing is wrong, I could have just died if something was.  Hopefully ultrasound shows the same thing.

^^Now that the action packed 4th of July weekend is done, I have pictures from basically every single weekend after.  SO BUSY.

Weekend of the 8th--

Went to a co-workers wedding with my friend Mikayla.  It was a lot of fun!  The wedding was in a small town just outside the edges of the city we live in, so close that eventually, the city is going to absorb it as an area of the town, kind of like how big cities have annexes or boroughs.  I don't have a lot of pictures from this weekend, but I have some.  A couple of them are basic camwhoring I'm-so-vain pictures, which I took after I took pictures of my most recent nail adventures of the time.  Not including those, because I plan my next post to be about them.  Eh, what can ya do, right?

Myself and Mikayla at the reception

She was SO excited for cotton candy, we had to take a picture =)

The bride and groom having their first dance

Second shot, I LOVED her dress.

Camwhore... cough cough... and my current fave sunglasses.

More camwhoring.

Weekend of the 15th--

My cousin Dez got married!  Her husband's name is Tonny, so we both have Tony's in our lives (clearly, his is spelled different than my boyfriend).  In true Midwest fashion, the weather is still ridiculously hot, so I was sweating like MAD during the whole thing until we got into the reception hall which was very nice and cool.  Pictures below!

Coming down the aisle

Ceremony

<3

Love her headband

So hot, but you can't tell from the picture!

<33

<333

These two started entering and I just wasn't ready for them!  My younger cousins (technically second cousins), part of the wedding party.

I managed to get a shot of these lovely ladies!  Daughters of the groom, and their adorable escort, obviously wedding party.

Not sure who these people are honestly... but that's my cousin in the back!

My cousin Jen, the maid of honor

The groom and bride <3

I wanted a picture of the hall, I thought it was gorgeous!  Then again, it was super cool in there, so I may have been slightly biased, LOL.

Dez giving her speech

Time to cut the cake!

The photographer lady kept getting all the good shots and right in the way, GRRRR.  I'm pregnant, I'm allowed to get annoyed by these things.  LOL

Love this photo. =)

Obligatory feeding each other piece of cake shot

Dez warning Tonny to NOT shove cake in her face... yeah it still ended up happening after I put my camera away, haha.

This was actually the Tuesday after when I was leaving work.  Thought it was SO gorgeous, had to take a pic.

Weekend of the 24th--

MY BABY SHOWER!  I had SO much fun, my sister and my aunt with the help of my cousins did an amazing job planning it, and I'm so blessed with the turnout we had and all the gifts they gave us.  LOTS of pictures from the shower, which should be pretty much the end of my photo bombing.

Diaper Cake!

Real Cake... and my real name, whooops! :P

Tony's uncle, aunt, and another uncles wife, and his adorable little cousin =)

My aunt's friend Shelley, and my cousin Ashley

My work buddy Chrystal!

More work friends!  Serina, Brandi, and Serina's super adorable daughter Isla

Great grandmas!  Tony's grandma and my grandma chatting it up =)

Clockwise starting with the girl in the white: Rosa, Miranda, Savannah, Kassie, and Stacey

Clockwise: Cousin Ashley, My sister Melinda, my dad's significant other Theresa, her sister Vicki, and Shelley again.  Theresa is Melinda's mom, and Theresa and Vicki have been in my life since I was a young girl.  Love them!

Cousin heather not paying attention, and my mom =)

My mom and me

Winners of the first game, decorating the diaper cake

Updated cake!

What a crowd!

Everyone working hard on their games

I went to a table by myself, because the game required trying to guess my answers, couldn't let anyone cheat!

Little cousin Mailey!  My youngest first cousin, she's the BEST!  Love her!

Me reading my answers

Everyone is wondering, what the hell?  When I'm reading my answers, LOL.  No one knows the mind of BzB.

Still reading...

My sister, one of the co-shower throwers.  She likes to throw up white people gang signs in pictures.  I constantly tease her for this.  LOL

Cousin Chelsey, Ashley's twin.  They look nothing alike, I love it!

Ashley again

Chrystal, Serina, and Brandi, working hard on another puzzle

Grandma deep in thought, LOL

Ugh, so ready to be not chubby anymore.  I have gained so much preggo weight.  Grosssss.

Decor!

Kayla and Liam, my sons future BFF!

Cousin Trevor, the twins younger brother

Completed diaper cake!

Cake time!

Aunt Shelley

Well look who made it.. the newlyweds, Dez and Tonny!

Me before I dug into my loot =P

They look bored because it took 40 effing minutes to open presents.  I was exhausted after that.

Me and Grandma =)

Weekend of the29th--

No pictures, just typing.  I finally had a weekend to myself to somewhat relax, although that did not actually happen, I basically spent the whole thing trying to get caught up on everything baby and home related and trying to turn our disaster of an apartment into something somewhat livable.  Still not done with that.  I was SUPPOSED to go to another friend's baby shower but wasn't able to work late earlier in the week to have a shortened day on Saturday, so that didn't end up happening.  Sunday, I was SUPPOSED to go to my friend Miranda's birthday party for her two year old daughter Bridget, but between all the crap I had to do around the house, being exhausted, and setting up some of the things we got for our baby boy, it just didn't happen.

Speaking of being exhausted, I am pretty fucking sick of being pregnant.  I'm HUGE now, retaining ridiculous amounts of water (which you can see pretty much started at the beginning of the month and really started topping out around the baby shower pics), and simple things like cooking dinner exhausts the fuck out of me.  I'm sore, I'm crabby, and all I want is for this baby to get the heck OUT!  Plus, I have tons of stretch marks on the bottom of my belly now, which I am NOT happy about.  I knew I would get them, I'm not a complete dumb ass, but I still am not happy about them in the slightest.  I really hope they fade by next summer.  I love my baby, I want him here, but more importantly I WANT MY BODY BACK.  I'm so sick of feeling SO FAT.  This just isn't ME, you know?

Because of all this exhaustion, I decided to switch to work at home instead of going into the office each day.  Basically, I was sick of having to get up an hour earlier just to try to look decent when I feel like shit and look like a cow, try to be nice to people, listen to EVERYONE ask the same fucking questions about my pregnancy all the time-- "When are you due?  Are you excited?  Bet you're ready to be done!"  It's not their fault, its just what people say and do, but damn, my horomones turn these kind of things into the most annoying fucking things I hear all day.  So annoying, I'm swearing up a storm in this post ranting about it.  Also, I am down to only being able to fit into about five different outfits, all dresses, and I'm sick and tired of feeling like people can tell I just wore that orange dress last Friday, or coming up with a way to make most of the dresses work appropriate.  (No spaghetti strap tanks).  I just want to be able to wear my little jammies and kick my feet up while I work.  Plus, the office is SO FUCKING HUMID I COULD DIE.  At least I can control the climate in my apartment, get a giant fan right on me if I need to, and I avoid doing a lot of the bitch work I was doing for my boss all the time.  This week is my very last week in the office, and I'm officially a "W@H" agent Aug 9.  Yay me!

So, that's it.  I have a few more nail pictures obviously, and I think I want to review the OPI Katy Perry line since I tried them all, but maybe I shouldn't jinx it.  Anytime I seem to say I'll do something with this blog, it doesn't happen for like a month!

Until then--