I was just checking out my "stats", and looking at to sites which directed people here, and for some reason, this one site directed at least one person here and its obviously a porn site! Um, OK.... there's absolutely nothing pornographic on this site at all! I mean, I know I'm not and all... (hahaha).
Moving past that random complaint, I haven't written in awhile, although I've thought about it, just been rather, ahem, busy. But I feel like I've been bursting with things to say at least, so maybe, once your done looking at porn, you can take a breather and come read my random ramblings? Or maybe I'll bore you back to the porn, I don't know.
So, the things I've been up to:
1) Still pregnant. lol. I'll be 20 weeks tomorrow and am totally excited to find out if we're having a boy or a girl next Monday! Wearing my new favorite dress :)
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| 19 Weeks and loving my peanut! |
2) Had a photo adventure. OK, so it's only four pictures, but basically details what I was up to a couple of Monday's ago when Tony was out of town and needed A LOT of errands run for him. So here is the series I sent him! Warning: I'm wearing absolutely no makeup, but I make up for it with a very cute purple hat :P
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| First stop was the post office! Had to mail off Tony's Tax return, deadline was midnight that night! |
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| After that, I went to the bank to deposit money into both of our accounts. Not the best picture, but I had to get the bank in there. Remember, this was a photo adventure for Tony :P |
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| City Hall to obtain a contractor's code book for our favorite out of town hero boyfriend :) |
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| And the last stop was for me! Had to get my weekly pizza bagel and mocha frappe from Bagel Boy! Posing in front of one of their many paintings |
3) Zuma is as crazy as ever. Lately, she's taken to hiding in Tony's backpack. I think she is hoping he won't notice someday when he goes out of town and takes her with him, which is ridiculous, because she HATES traveling. It's either her forgetting that she hates to travel, or her just liking to squeeze herself into random small places.
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| "How the heck did you find me??" |
Oh, and here she is being adorable and looking out the window. :)
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| Sunshine! I are watch cat! |
4) Went to Laos New Year! My camera was being ridiculous and ran out of battery juice, so I had one of our friends snap this lone picture of Tony and I at the festivities. YES, I know my boobs are huge looking. Maybe that's why porn is linking here? I'm pregnant people! I can't help it!
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| Jbano's thumb was in the way, but that's alright, we still like him. :) |
5) Easter Sunday was my time to play with all my little cousins! I only managed to get pictures of two of them, but absolutely adored playing with my youngest first cousin Mailey. She's half Vietnamese, so I'm excited that my baby will have another half Asian cousin that doesn't come from Tony's side of the family! She was so adorable the whole time, I hope my little one is as sweet as her! The little baby boy is Matthew, so smiley, I couldn't get over how cute he was either! He has an older brother, a two year old named Jesse, pictured much farther back on this blog at my cousin's wedding, pulling on Auntie's wedding dress. If you care to look, go look. He was quite the handful! Two year olds, lol.
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| Me and Mailey |
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| Baby Matthew! So cute! |
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| Hugs! |
The only thing that really sucked about this Easter was dealing with my mother. When my mom showed up, she seemed like she was in a good mood, and as the rest of the adults finished making Easter lunch and I finished playing with the kids, I couldn't help but notice that my mom had went missing. We found her in the backseat of her car, trying to "sleep".
A little background, I've always had kind of a volatile relationship with my mom. She gets depressed easily, and has always done ridiculously dramatic things that I always feel are for a little bit of attention. She's also a gambling addict. Slowly but surely, she has lost the trust of the majority of our family members. As a kid, she would gamble the rent away, get the electricity shut off, the phone shut off, and always have an excuse that didn't have to do with gambling.
When I was fourteen, we were removed from my mother's care and placed into my grandparent's custody by the state. Our relationship really went downhill at that point, because she blamed me for it. The day the police came to our apartment, I had finally gotten a chance to sleep over at my grandparents without my brothers and sisters, as I was being forced to babysit every single day for free, while my mom worked two jobs that never seemed to generate any income (Gambling). We started to mend our relationship as I got older, but I always remained weary of her, never giving her money when she asked, never going out of my way to "help her out". She was always 'out of gas', always 'between pay checks', and ALWAYS had an excuse. A lot of the things I resent from my childhood, I resent because of her. Because she would always do things "for her kids" but it was always clear to me that the only person she was thinking of was herself.
Fast-forward to Easter this year. As I said, everything was going fine, I even felt like I had lucked out because the aunts of mine who had previously disowned me (also previously discussed on this blog) weren't there, and all of my favorite relatives from my mom's side were happy to see Tony and I and we were all enjoying each others company. Tony and I were having such fun playing with all the kids and getting some experience with little tykes before our little one comes. And then the mom drama starts. After we found her in the backseat of her car, my sister tried to convince her to come in and eat. She wouldn't do it. My uncle went to talk to her. Nothing. In the back of my mind, I had a feeling that she was expecting me to come give her attention, but I knew that the reason she was doing all this was to get attention, and I just wasn't going to put up with it.
So I ignored it. I'm just so sick and tired of this over-dramatic bullshit from her. Right now, she's facing eviction and called me to come get some of the things my grandmother willed to me from her apartment because "they'll probably lock her out and then she'll lose all her stuff because she has nowhere to go and no one to help her". That basically turned out to be a ploy to get me to come over to her apartment, where she wasn't even trying to PACK anything up for herself to at least get into her car or anything, and talk about her boyfriend, whom I despise, and let her know that I didn't give a flying fuck about anything that has to do with him and I wouldn't hear of it. She ended up keeping me at her apartment to 'talk' and acted like nothing was wrong, like she didn't even care that she was putting all this stress of her never ending issues onto her pregnant daughter. I left with my books (my willed items, I loved reading them when I was a kid), and vowed to not get sucked in like that again. Which is why I chose to ignore her this time around. The way I see it, she wasn't getting the attention she wanted, and so she decided she would get the attention one way or another.
When my sister tried to talk to her, she told her that she didn't want to "lie to everyone when they asked her how things were going" and that she knew it would just be better if "she weren't there". After awhile, she had my younger brother get their things and come out to the car, and left with him. Then, she came right back and dropped my brother off, telling him to "Have Kaitie bring him home." Kaitie (my sister), was literally just getting ready to leave to have Easter dinner with her fiance's family, and Tony and I were just getting ready to get some things done around the house. She just CAME BACK and then left my brother at my uncles with no consideration as to how it would affect anyone else. Which is another reason why I think it was all about attention.
All of this crap makes me really weary of the idea of my child spending any time with her. I had to grow up with this crap because she is my mother. But I do not want the burden of her dramatics placed on my children. My baby doesn't deserve to feel stressed about the fact that she has never bothered to grow up. To her, its what the world has done to her, and to her, there is nothing she can do to fix it. The only time she takes accountability for her actions, she's freaking out, crying, and saying things like "the world would be better without me". All I want to do is protect my peanut from things like this. I know we all get down sometimes, but I don't want my son or daughter exposed to that kind of behavior. I don't want them to think that there is a way they can "fix" her, because the only person who can "fix" her is herself, but until she starts being accountable for her role in her own situations, that isn't going to happen.
Blah, I'm glad to get that out.
We'll close today with an old school picture of me and the bestie, whom I will get to see in LESS THAN A WEEK! PHOENIX HERE WE COME!!!!!
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